It was a bittersweet week for our family. We started off by celebrating RLT's Baby Dedication at Park CC. This church family is just that: family. Some of the nicest, most welcoming people are there and have opened their arms to the three of us.
The next day was not so great. I, the mommy of a precious angel who spent the last 13 weeks knowing every move and sound our baby made, went back to work. It is so strange not knowing what she is doing at any given moment. Is she smiling? Is she kicking her legs? Jerking from side to side as if she is about to roll over? Nodding off to sleep?
I know most mothers these days go to work at some point. I know every single one of them feels that bowling ball in their stomach as they drive to work with tears running down their face. I know they get very little accomplished at their occupational job that first day or maybe that first week because they can't quite turn their "I'm starting to get the hang of it" mommy brain on pause. I know they each, like me,
People keep telling me that it will get easier. At this point, I'm not sure easier is the word that would describe how my week progressed. Maybe familiar. The sick feeling in my stomach is now familiar. The tears as I back out of my driveway in the morning are now familiar. The constant feeling of only wanting to be with my daughter is now familiar.
I'm not writing this to get sympathy or so someone will throw me a pity party. I'm writing this because it is the honest truth. My hope is that one day RLT will read this. I want her to know that when she backs out of her driveway on that first morning back to work that her mommy felt the same way. I want her to know that the love she will be feeling for her precious little one is the same love that I feel for her. I want her to know that it might get easier or more familiar. I want her to know.
Just now saw this. Love you and that girl. Familiar is definitely a good word for it all. Some days are still better than others for me. Hang in there!
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